A community for the discussion of choosing adoption|
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|Saturday, June 27th, 2009|
Hey! I just joined...
I recently found out I was pregnant via 2 at home tests. The woman on the phone @ Planned Parenthood guestimated that I am a little more than 10 weeks pregnant. All she did was ask me when my last period was, and then said 10 weeks. I can't imagine that can be too accurate?
Anyways, I am engaged and have been having unprotected sex with my fiance for 5+ years and never got pregnant. He is also on MTX and 11 other medications and has a testosterone deficiency so his doctor is baffled that he even got someone pregnant.
What he does not know is that I had a fling (or 2 or 3) with my 'first love' around the estimated time of conception. Unprotected and along with cumming inside of me, he continued to go and go and in my head...pump that sperm deep down in there. (Sorry,haha)
I don't want to be judged, but those are the facts. I am quite sure it is NOT my fiance's baby.
I have my first appt. with an obstetrician? or whatever on July 2nd. He is great, was referred to him by my shrink and she called and had them squeeze me in quick. Since it might be Ryan's and he is on the MTX I am asking for tests to see if the baby is looking ok and healthy.
Anyways, this is all babble. What I really want is some adoption advice? I live in Rochester NY, I do not drive so its hard for me to get around but not totally impossible. I am still keeping the abortion idea open but that window is closing rather quickly and I am leaning more towards adoption, or maybe MAYBE keeping it. Of course keeping it would involve telling my fiance the truth about the father and perhaps becoming single and..yeah messy.
Any advice? Websites?Any advice for me at all?
I am 22 years old. My mother is extremely supportive and she is there for me, whatever I choose. I just...need some advice. Maybe some wisdom from people who have been in this kind of situation...anything.
I am more confused and just not knowing WTF to do than nervous.
Also, what kind of questions should I make sure to ask at this appt?? Current Mood: calm
|Saturday, May 9th, 2009|
|Tuesday, May 6th, 2008|
Questions, Questions, & More Questions
HI everyone...I'm new to this community, and am 31 weeks pregnant. Throughout my pregnancy, originally, I was going to keep my baby. I was living in a homeless shelter for pregnant women & women with children. That was not the kind of life I wanted for my baby. I decided to move back in with my adoptive parents on the condition that I give my baby up for adoption. I agreed, and decided I wanted an open adoption. While it will be hard to give up someone so precious who will have been inside me for 10 months, I have realized that it's not about me. I need to think about my baby and what is best for him or her. Right now, I have no job, no money. I have no way of providing for my baby. Consenting to an open adoption is the best thing I can do. I figured an open adoption would be easier because I already know it will be hard to give my baby away. But I think if I could keep in contact with my baby and have pictures and be involved, that maybe it would make it just a little bit easier. I wondered if there was anyone who has maybe been in a similar situation, and could give me some advice or input. Thanks guys. Current Mood: anxious
|Thursday, September 6th, 2007|
Hi! I am really happy about finding this community. I'll do a quick intro for now, since it's 1:30 am. (AKA bedtime when you're prego!)
I'm Sam, I'm 20, and I'm about 20 weeks pregnant. I say about, because I have NO idea when my last period was, and after a long financial/getting covered with some kind of insurance struggle, I'm just now getting my first ultrasound. So my due dates range from December-February.
Tomorrow at 3 is my ultrasound, so I'll make sure and post when I know what's up for sure, finally!
The babies daddy and I were together for about 8 months, on and off, it's a long story. He already has 1 kid and another on the way with his first babies momma. So I knew from the beginning he didn't want me to keep it, but also said if I chose to he'd be there for it. Well, I was too far along to even consider abortion, and I do not want children, nor am I financially stable enough to have one of my own right now. And I don't believe in being a single mom, I want my children to have both parents present. So adoption is what I have decided on.
I've heard everyone talk about the connection that forms in the 9 months of having the baby inside of you, or the "when you see the baby after birth you'll want to keep it" which is all fine and dandy, but for me that is for wimps. I am no wimp. I have made up my mind on adoption, and that is what will happen.
I will NOT wallow in self-pity after I give birth. I will rejoice in the fact that my child is being well cared for, WAY better than anything I could have given the baby. I have already made the decision to have NO contact whatsoever with the child/adoptive parents. I don't even want to look at the baby after he/she is born. I know better. I do not want to see Chris's big, green eyes, or my dark hair. I don't want to know what the baby looks like, not only because it will start the connection that everyone talks about, but because I already know the baby will be beautiful.
I have not yet contacted an adoption agency. After finally getting set up with insurance (for now) and an OB, I haven't had time. So tomorrow after my ultrasound, that will be one of the first things I get started on.
Anywhoo, I hope that's enough info for now, I'm sleepy!
|Thursday, August 9th, 2007|
|Monday, November 6th, 2006|
i came across this community a few days ago and hope by all means it could help.
heres a little about myself;
my name is kate, i'm 19 and in my 36th week of pregnancy.
this is my story so far; i had hid from the fact that i was pregnant for what i believed was five months; until i eventually broke down and told my partner everything. he was more so concerned about me hiding it from him than actually being pregnant.
we had arranged to go to london to the marie stopes clinic for a private termination (as after a consultation with my doctor, he stated that it would be increadibly hard to find somewhere in scotland that would perform a termination at 5months). so we arrived and unfortunately when they took a scan it appeared that i was actually infact over the legal limit. therefore i was 6months and 2 weeks.
it felt like my whole world had fallen apart due to my own selfish stupidity when they told me that there was no where in the world that would terminate, and that i would have to go through with the pregnancy.
since then ive become increadibly accepting of what im going through; apart from what the experience of birth will be like and enevitably handing over my baby to someone else.
i break down so often when i think that my baby could be left on its own.
i'd love to hear the opinions of you ladies that have gone through the adoption process.. did you have partners? did you bond with your baby inmmediately after birth? how do they handle babies that are going for adoption?
im terrified i will end up being unable to let go.
and that would be the wrong choice; as i cant provide the best start in life as aposed to an already established family/parents/married couple could.
any advice would be so gratefully accepted.
|Wednesday, August 9th, 2006|
is this thing on?
i'm going to introduce myself. nobody's posted in like a month though! are you people still around? i hope so.
so i'm meredith. i'm 22 and 3 months in to an unplanned pregnancy with a guy that has no interest in the baby or me. we have never dated, but have known each other for over a year. obviously, i'm having the baby and going the adoption route. i've been working with A Child's Waiting here in ohio, and really enjoy the agency. things are going well so far, just a bit lonely and ready for things to get really rolling.
that's my story. hope everyone's doing well!
|Sunday, July 16th, 2006|
Spreading the news?
I feel like I am being pressured to keep the baby because of my bestfriend. It seems like she wants the baby more than I do. She really loves babies and wants to play with her. I know its going to be all fun and games. But when it comes to the hard stuff it will be all my turn.
She keeps buying more and more clothes for the baby and talking about my shower. We hung out tonight and talked about the baby and baby plans all night. I just feel like I don't have the heart to tell her. I don't want to disappoint her. And mostly I am afraid that she will get upset or mad because she has bought sooo many clothes for her already.
I took back the crib that I bought today. The only people who were supposed to know was me, my grandma, aunt, and my aunts boyfriend. But my dad conveniently came home with my uncle, his girlfriend, and my dad's girlfriend. So I have all these people antagonizing me about what I am doing and why am I returning the crib. I am not sure if my decision is final, but I don't want people in my business.
I feel like the more people I tell it will start becoming a group decision instead of my decision. And I really don't want anyone elses influence in this.
I feel like I really want to tell my best friend about what I am feeling. But I know she won't completely understand. I am scared and nervous. Any suggestions or help?
Ugh this is just such a crappy situation.
|Tuesday, July 11th, 2006|
I thought I would introduce myself. I am 18 years old and 25 weeks pregnant. I am currently exploring the option of adoption. I'm not sure of what the right decision is for my baby and I. Reading all these adoption stories and testominies make me sick to my stomach and make my eyes swell with tears. If it hurts this much when I am still pregnant, how much is it going to hurt after she's born and out of my reach?
I wish someone could fast forward my life 3 to 5 years and show me the result of each of my options. Wouldn't that just be so perfect? I wish someone could show me the effects of each of my options. But there is no possible person that could do that. So I must make an educated decision.
Oh, please. Someone, anyone tell me it does get better and easier.
|Wednesday, June 28th, 2006|
|Tuesday, June 13th, 2006|
I gave birth on june 8th at 9:34 am.
the adoption was..harder than I thought it would be. I'm having an extremely hard time coping with my emotions right now.
The family, barron and therese are amazing people. I'm just very depressed about the fact that I don't get to raise my daughter. They already have an adopted son named luke that is 2 so they know how to deal with the adoption process and know how hard the grieving period for the birthparents is.
Right now...I'm unable to really care or feel anything. I know I have to try and get back to normal but it's hard.
They gave me a gift, it's a silver necklace that's a circle representing the love we all have for Luna.
Her legal name they chose is Pheobe, but I honestly can't call her that yet because I called her Luna throughout my whole pregnancy and it doesn't feel right at this point in time.
I hope that someday I will be stable enough to raise a child, because I loved the pregnancy and I love my daughter to death.
I think I'm going to go to counseling for a little while to help me with this. My family wants me to visit them..but my aunt just gave birth as well, and she has a 2 year old son so I don't feel like it yet because seeing her newborn girl and boy is going to make me even sadder.
|Saturday, May 6th, 2006|
Hello everyone. I found this community through pregnant and thought it would be good for me to join, because I've recently decided to give my expected baby girl up for adoption. I'm 32 weeks, and it's been a tough pregnancy, being in the hospital and almost dying from kidney failure, my fiance cheating on me and leaving, then coming back into my life. Me wanting to have this baby and raise her because of so many issues with miscarriages and doctors saying this is probably my one and only pregnancy I can carry out. All of this has just made it that much harder to make this decision, although I know it's for the best interest of the baby and me. I just needed to find a place where I could talk to people..and didn't feel guilty about the choice I was making. I've yet to pick an adoptive family, but I'm going through an agency called Journey's of the heart, and they seem amazing and receptive towards my wishes, which would be an open adoption. They require one visit a year until the child is 18 as well, unless the birth parents with to relinquish this right. I'm still debating on that.
Sigh. I'm sorry for the ramble, it just feels good to find a place where I feel I can talk about this comfortably.
|Tuesday, May 2nd, 2006|
Hello everyone. I cam across this community and thought this might be exactly what I need. I am currently 34 weeks pregnant (and miserable, of course) and am placing the child up for adoption. I just met the adoptive parents this past weekend. They are amazing, loving people and I know they are everything I could have ever hoped for. I know that I am making the best decision for this child, myself, and the adoptive parents. I am just so amazingly emotional right now. I know alot of that is just the pregnancy and it's hormones, but oh my goodness! I talk to Gwen daily (adoptive mom) and she is such a source of comfort to me. I am just very anxious to have this behind me...I am miserable being pregnant, I am so uncomfortable and I still get sick every time I brush my teeth. I'm scared to go through labor, and then the emotional trial of signing the final paperwork and saying my goodbyes, to the baby and Gwen and Howard. (The adoption, will be open, in that I will still talk to them, and recieve pictures and updates...but we (all 3 of us) haven't yet decided if visiting would be in the best interest of everyone involved.) So, enough of my rambling, I thought I could join this community and get some feedback from others who have experienced this...as I'm sure the next 6-8 weeks are going to be the most emotional and difficult experience to date. :) Thanks for listening. Current Mood: sore
|Wednesday, April 12th, 2006|
From another string I was in today (that as usual made me want to vomit at the birthmother hate going around):"what's best for him may not be continued contact with [the birthmother]. She knows that, herself, or she would not have relinquished him."
Tell me birthmothers.... which one of you relinquished because you felt YOU were damaging your child, and how many relinquished for other reasons?
Ignorance abounds and this is just one more example of stereotypes that need to be changed.
Mothers who actually ARE damaging by contact to their children are NOT the ones that admit it. They are the ones you see on the news, acting in denial of why their two year old was starved to death while they were left alone for two days.
Those are not mothers that relinquish.
|Thursday, March 16th, 2006|
I just got another email from Hannah's mom. Why do I get so damn emotional. I know it was best for everyone.( The email.Collapse )
Jack is their dog.
I don't know if I want to go to Chris's birthday, but I think I will. I love their house and I really would like to meet the family Hannah is a part of. I don't know. I wonder if Robbie is also invited. I just thought of that. I know Chris and Robbie are just as close as Lauren and I are. Perhaps I will call Lauren tomorrow.
|Friday, March 10th, 2006|
okay I'm going in tomorrow for a pregnancy test at planned parenthood and they are going to have me pee in a cup. Not having gone to the doctors in forever I'm wondering how much I should fill the cup.
|Thursday, March 9th, 2006|
I haven't updated here in a while. Solee turns two on Sunday. I can't believe it's been two years. And even more amazing that it's been about 5 1/2 years with Sky. I look at their pictures and read the e-mails and when I see them they are both so blissfully happy. And seeing that light in their eyes proves to me time and time again that Tyler and I made the right decision for our children.
And as for Tyler, it's been a little over a year since he died. I still find it hard to believe at times. He once told me that no matter what happens between us there will always be two pieces of us living on as a testament to the fact that we were here, that we loved, that we were real. He was so right. I miss him. I miss his friendship. I wish he could see these pictures. But then again I know he's now closer to them then he ever would have been here. It's so strange the way life branches out and suddenly you find yourself in the middle of someplace you never dreamed you'd be. And that's just the way it is.
Anyway, They are having two parties for Solee. They had one yesterday for her. And they are having another one for her on Sunday. Here are a couple of pics of Sky and Solee from yesterday.
( Look how big they are both getting!Collapse )
|Tuesday, March 7th, 2006|
Hi guys. My name is Gabbie. I just joined this community (and LJ) hoping to get a little bit of support that I can't from my friends. I am eighteen years old and when I found out I was pregnant about a year ago, I knew right away that adoption was the right way for me to go. My boyfriend Robbie and I found an amazing couple looking to adopt a baby. I couldn't imagine better parents than Chris and Lauren. On December 20, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, Hannah Sophia. Hannah lived with foster parents until she went home with Chris and Lauren on February 2. I have so much love respect for Chris and Lauren, who I have developed a close relationship with since day 1. They were there when Hannah was born and I have visited their new home many times since she was born. I am so happy to have chosen an open adoption and hope to get to watch Hannah grow up, whether I am a part of her life or not.
I decided to join LJ now because yesterday I got an email from Lauren and it just makes me so emotional. The only person who really understands is Robbie, but I would like to have other people to talk to as well.
Thanks guys. Enjoy your night.
|Monday, December 26th, 2005|
x-posted in birthmothers
So,my kid is like,a freak. Seriously. He isn't even one yet,(January 9) and he is already wearing a size 2T. LOL. God,he takes after his biological father.
Anyway,since his first birthday is coming up very quickly,I was wondering: What is something special I could get him? Ya know,besides clothes and toys,etc... I was thinking of getting a nice picture frame and putting the picture of me feeding him in the hospital and then on the other side,putting some sort of a poem about adoption or birthmothers and their sons.
|Friday, November 18th, 2005|
Five years ago Tyler and I brought a little boy into this world. We loved him so much that we broke our own hearts for his sake. The little boy named Sky deserved so much more than two crazy 18 year old kids could give him. Now the little boy is the happiest boy in the world. He has an incredible family with two sets of parents that love and adore him. He has a little sister. He has the best life. I couldn't be happier for him. I know Tyler went to visit him today. I hope he told him happy birthday from me too. Current Mood: happy
Well our baby is 5, can you believe it!!!!! growing up so so fast, he is so
cute and loves his birthday, he has been excited all day long. He woke up this morning so excited, then yesterday I took him to the store and let him choose what he wanted for breakfast and he wanted cinnamon rolls so we made those for breakfast. then opened presents, spoiled!! it was so cute because I got a few thinks for Solee to give him and I kept telling him Solee got you a present so the last week Sky has been asking Solee what she got for him, then he'd get mad and tell me that Solee won't tell him what she got him for his birthday. the other day I walked past Solee's room and Sky and Solee were in her closet and Sky was saying K Solee show me where you hid my presents. Solee's new thing is whispering in our ear, and she just gibbers and she was gibbering in my ear last night and Sky asked what she told me and I said she was telling me what she got you for your birthday so he ran over and asked her and she just gabbed in his ear and he got mad and said she won't tell me!!!! soooo funny!
My mom came up this morning and Sky was saying look what my sister gave me ( she gave him thomas pj's) which he has worn all day, and a toy story view finder.
then he got lots of trains, thomas lego's a remote control monster truck, and a remote control train! oh and a truck that jumps over stuff. he still just loves thomas, that has been the hit of the day, the thomas legos.
in a few hours we are going into his birthday party, he is so excited. Solee has been jealous all day, she'll grab a toy and say mine and take off running. luckily last night I started to think she might feel like that, so we went in and got her a dora doll that sings goodnight and has purple pj's just like Solee. and my mom brought her up so really cute purple house boots! so she was a little happier.
well we wanted to let you know we are thinking of you today, I have a few things for you but I am going to get the kids pictures taken so I wanted to send them at the same time. I just havne't found the time to go in and get the pictures taken. It is hard at Kiddie Kandids cause they don't take appointments, so it is first come first serve, so we always end up waiting 2 hours before they even get their pictures taken, and by then the kids are tired and ready to leave and we haven't even taken pictures yet!! doesn't sound fun. plus now that it is xmas time everyone is taking pictures. oh well, just complaining.
I have been telling Sky the story of when he was born, he loves to hear how he was supposed to be a girl, he thinks that is so funny. at first he didn't get it, he kept saying so I was a girl when I was born??? I am like NO, but now he laughs and says I tricked you guys :)
So much has happened and changed in 5 years, it is so amazing how it all works
I can't even imagine my life without Sky in it, I never knew how much a little 6 pound boy could change my life and make my heart so full, he is amazing. I feel like I have a really close special relationship with Sky. We are grateful for him, and SO grateful for you. We love you so much, we hope you have a wonderful day, and thank you for blessing us so much.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SKY!!!!5
Love ya, Wendy